In a New Light
by everlovingdeer
Summary: "Why do you do it to yourself?" I asked, pouring a glass of orange juice which he stole for himself with a smile. "It's a Potter thing," he said eventually. "You wouldn't understand."
1. In a New Light

It was the beginning of another normal day at Hogwarts. All the residents of the castle clambered into the great hall for breakfast and I took my usual seat at the Ravenclaw table, instantly filling my plate with food. Breakfast _was_ the most important meal of the day. My friends, already used to the large appetite I had in the mornings, did nothing more than push the tray of toast towards me.

"Thanks Helen," I said with a grin, watching as she simply rolled her eyes.

"It took six years for me to learn not to mess with your breakfast, Howe," she teased, picking up her mug and taking a sip. "It's just easier for us all."

"You love me really Mora," I shot back, sharing a grin with the girl sat across from me.

"The two of are so annoying," Alia grouched from beside Helen, not noticing the way the pair of us shared a glance from over the top of her head. She wasn't and never _had_ been a morning person. In fact, she was downright intolerable until she'd gotten some caffeine into her system.

"Here," I said pouring her a mug of coffee before we faced her wrath. Holding the mug towards her, I encouraged her to take it. "Get some caffeine into your system, Blake."

She accepted the mug gratefully, taking a long sip and it was enough to have her returning to normal. Or slightly more normal than she had been minutes ago.

Suddenly, all talk within the great hall died down and I tried not to groan. _Really_? We were doing this already? But I hadn't had the chance to even eat yet!

My eyes drifted across the hall, settling on the Gryffindor table where I was unsurprised to find James bloody Sirius Potter standing on top of his seat. He'd done this so often that the teachers no longer bothered to chastised him and instead waited, knowing this would all be over in a few minutes.

"Here we go again," Alia muttered under her breath as the three of us looked further down the table to our remaining dormmates.

The pair of them always sat apart from us, as though they were worried we'd tell everyone all the horrendous things they said about them. Whilst the temptation to do so was _huge,_ I wasn't a fan of drama and, so it was just _much_ easier to keep it to ourselves. Aurora Nolan sat in her seat, back straight as she tried her best not to show the anticipation she was clearly feeling and by her side sat Maeve who didn't bother to even try.

I rolled my eyes, eventually looking back to Potter who was already sauntering over towards the Ravenclaw table. As if following some sort of schedule, the whispers started up as people began to wonder whether this was finally going to be it. Was Potter going to get the girl or would he be rejected once again? As her dormmates, we already knew the answer.

Potter continued to walk down the Ravenclaw table, passing us by on his way to Aurora. When he was finally standing in front of her, he tucked his hands into his pocket and adopted the cocky façade he always put on when asking her.

"Archer," he said first, greeting Maeve who looked like being acknowledged by Potter had made her day. Aurora didn't seem to appreciate that and the look she sent Maeve had the other girl straightening up slightly.

Finally, Potter turned to Aurora and most of the hall held their breath. "Nolan, go to Hogsmeade with me?"

Aurora paused as if thinking her answer through and that was enough to have Potter looking hopeful. I shook my head in disbelief, she was just being deliberately cruel now. No doubt she knew what she was doing and was doing it simply because he'd looked to Maeve first before her. She was getting his hopes up on purpose, so she could dash them moments later.

And sure enough, she said a clear, "No," which had Maeve tittering like a bloody buffoon.

Just like that, the entire hall was filled with the sounds of people talking as they all turned back to their breakfast as if nothing happened in the first place. Very few people kept their eyes on Potter and I was one of them. Aurora turned away from him, completely missing the way his shoulder sunk a little before he forced himself to shrug away the effect of her rejection.

Gathering himself, Potter turned to retreat to his seat when his eyes scanned the Ravenclaw table and settled on me. Deciding to abandon his space at the Gryffindor table, Potter settled himself beside me and I offered him a conciliatory slice of toast off from my plate.

"It must have looked really bad if _you're_ giving me food, Howe," he tried to joke with a smile and I decided to play along, knowing it was what he'd have wanted.

"I don't know how you put up with it," I confessed with a sigh, not knowing what else to do but begin plating some food on his plate. He watched me with a soft smile, giving me all his attention and completely missing the fact that Aurora suddenly couldn't take her eyes off of him.

My friends, already used to my rather strange friendship with him, didn't bother questioning it and instead handed him the ketchup when he asked for it.

"Why do you do it to yourself?" I asked, pouring a glass of orange juice which he stole for himself with a smile.

"It's a Potter thing," he said eventually. "You wouldn't understand."

And I didn't try to. Instead, I narrowed my eyes at James when he went to hand me back my glass of half-drunk orange juice.

"No thanks," I said with a shake of my head, "I don't want your germs."

"You should feel privileged to be given the chance," he insisted, laughing when I rolled my eyes. "Let me walk you to Transfiguration after?"

* * *

I had been simply minding my own business on my way to the library when James dropped into step beside me, clearly planning to ruin my plan of being productive for once. When I turned to look at him, he simply smiled innocently at me and I sighed.

"What do you want now Potter?" I asked as he held the library door open for me.

He frowned, watching as I brushed past him. "You're making it sound like we're not friends and that I just bug you."

"Well," I said over my shoulder, seeing that he was following after me, "maybe I'd think we were friends if you didn't always approach me to fulfil your own agenda?"

He raised a hand to his chest, gasping dramatically. "It's like I've been stabbed right through the heart, Howe! How could you say something so cruel?"

"Would you stop making a scene?" I hissed, finding a table and settling down to begin to _try_ and do some work. But with Potter around, I didn't see that happening.

He grinned, not even trying to apologise and sat down across from me, planting his feet on the table. Unsurprisingly he didn't even attempt to get his work out. Or rather, he hadn't brought anything with him.

I looked away from him, focusing on my notes and knowing that he'd speak when he was ready. Waiting patiently had been my original intention. But, he kept fidgeting, clearly thinking of what to say and I grew annoyed quickly. Roughly setting my quill down on the table, I raised my eyes to the Gryffindor who met my eyes with a sheepish smile.

"Spit it out, Potter," I said firmly.

"I need some advice," he said, taking his feet off the table and straightening up in his seat. Resting his elbows on the table top, he fidgeted nervously with his tie.

Rowena, why me?!

"This is about Aurora, isn't it?" I guessed straight away, and his answering nod was like a spear through my heart. Of course. Picking up my quill, I looked back to my notes and asked quietly, "What about her?"

"She must talk when she's in the dorm, right?"

"It's all she does," I told him, peeking up at him from beneath my eyelashes. "It's near impossible to get her to stop."

"So, she's sociable," Potter defended, and I realised he really had no idea what type of girl she was. Rowena, the type of talking she didn't wasn't sociable at all. "But – what does she say about me?"

He wouldn't want to know the types of things she said about him in the security of our dorm. It would only shatter the image of her that he'd built up over the years and, probably his heart too. I couldn't do that to him. Perhaps ignorance really _was_ bliss.

Taking my silence as my answer, he nodded slowly and with a sad smile he murmured, "Not many good things then?"

 _Not many at all._

He rubbed a tired hand over his face and I smiled a little, noticing the ink he'd smudged near his mouth. Potter remained clueless to it and thought seriously for a moment.

"Well, has she ever mentioned what she doesn't like about me?" he asked, bringing his eyes to mine. "Maybe if I know what she doesn't like, then I can change –"

I cut him off before he could even finish his sentence. "Don't go changing yourself for someone James. If they don't like you the way you are then they don't deserve to have you in the first place. Weren't _you_ the one to tell me that?"

"And I won't change myself," he agreed finally after spending a long time searching my eyes and realising how serious I was. "At least tell me what she says – or the least hurtful part of what she says."

I thought for a long while, contemplating what would hurt him the least out of everything she'd said about him. Vaguely I wondered whether I could try and play his question off without giving him an answer, but it was obvious that he was eager to find out.

"She calls you desperate," I admitted quietly, as if that would soften the blow. "Quite often at that."

My attempts at sparing him proved futile as his eyes lowered to the table top. But before he could really get hurt, I cleared my throat and barrelled on.

"I never thought I'd see the day where James Potter walked around with ink stained fingers."

His eyes rose to mine, looking at me questioningly. Rolling my eyes, I leaned across the table towards him to brush the ink away from the corner of his mouth, my thumb rubbing it away gently. Satisfied that it was all gone, I leaned back and found him watching me with wide eyes. I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

He blinked, coming out of his thoughts and shaking his head gently. "I've been planning out quidditch plays," he explained, voice lacking any real strength. "That's probably where the ink's from."

"I wouldn't be surprised," I said, rolling my eyes before looking at him curiously. "Are you alright Potter? You look a bit –"

"I'm fine," he insisted before clearing his throat. When he spoke again, his voice was back to normal. "Once you've finished pretending to do some work, do you want me to walk you back to your common room? It's almost curfew time and who knows what dark and dangerous creatures are lurking out there in the shadows."

"Oh please," I scoffed, bumping my shoe against his under the table. " _You_ are probably the most dangerous one."

* * *

The next time I saw James asking Aurora out, it was purely accidental. I had been casually looking around the potions classroom when I spied him standing with her by the ingredients table. It was obvious that he'd taken my words to heart; he knew she found him desperate and now he was refusing to make another scene for her. He had at least that much self-respect. Instead he was asking her quietly, and I hoped that she finally realised how sincere he was being. Because, whilst I was certain she wasn't the girl for him, he still really liked her. And who was I to get in the way of that?

Although I probably should have been paying more attention to my potion, I found myself watching them. Absentmindedly stirring my potion, I processed the clear shock on Aurora's face and I was willing to bet a year's worth of chocolate that she was so shocked because he was doing it in private. Not that she would ever admit it, but she thrived on the attention and this had seriously thrown her off. She revelled in the fact that James went out of his way to create these scenes for her.

From where I was standing I couldn't see his face and neither could I hear what they were talking about. There was no way for me to know her answer to the question and, so I turned back to my potion only to gasp in shock. All of my stirring had almost ruined the potion and I scrambled for my textbook, looking for a way to salvage the potion. I flicked quickly through the pages only to come to a still as someone threw in some more foxglove into the cauldron.

I stood quickly, ready to shout at whoever had interfered with my potion. And I would have, had the extra foxglove not fixed my potion within seconds. The potion bubbled away, now looking like it was supposed to do and I looked up to thank my saviour with a smile.

"Zabini," I greeted in shock, meeting the waiting eyes of Professor Zabini's son. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He tucked his hands into his pockets and said slowly, "It must have been something interesting for you to have been so distracted by it."

"It was nothing," I protested. "My mind just began to wander."

He didn't buy a single word. Glancing over his shoulder, he turned in the direction I had been looking at and found James standing beside the ingredients table with Aurora _still_ at his side. Zabini turned back to me and nodded knowingly making me wonder if I was really that transparent. Lowering my eyes back to my cauldron, I planned on carrying on with the potion and hoping he'd get the hint and return to his own desk. But he didn't.

Instead, he leaned in close to me and spoke quietly, the words for my ears only. "If you ever want to get over this one-sided crush – come to me."

Looking up at him suspiciously, I raised an eyebrow. He held his hands up in surrender, leaning away from me and straightening up, even as a teasing smirk played on his lips. Now, my heart might have belonged to James, but that _smirk_ –

"What are you playing at Zabini?"

"We'll just go to Hogsmeade," he assured me with a cocky smile, once again leaning towards me. "Nothing untoward will happen. Unless of course, you ask me _really_ nicely."

I laughed quietly, pushing him away from me with a gentle shove. He moved away easily, graciously accepting his defeat.

"Just remember," he said, as he prepared to leave and return to his table on the other side of the room. "Since you've added double the amount of foxglove, you'll need to add double the amount of ginger or you'll end up screwing up your potion again."

I watched him walk away from my desk and bit my bottom lip to stop a smile. Merlin, what would be the harm? _One_ trip to Hogsmeade. Besides, it wasn't as if I was dating someone. And the entire school knew he wasn't dating anyone; regardless of all the offers he'd received. The schoolgirls who were infatuated with his father decided to settle for him. But Merlin, how did it count as settling when he looked like _that_?

Shaking my head to dismiss the thought, I continued to brew the potion. Reaching the end of the brewing process, I bottled some up to place it on Professor Zabini's desk. And, if I happened to stop by Zabini's desk on the way to his father's then who could blame me?

He looked up at me expectantly, raising an eyebrow with a smirk playing on his lips. The arrogant bastard already knew what I was going to say even without my saying it.

"I'm busy this weekend so I can't go down to Hogsmeade," I told him firmly. "But the time after – I'll meet you by the main doors after breakfast."

"I'll be waiting," he promised, reaching out to fix my tie with had gone crooked.

Walking away from his desk, I dropped my potion off at Professor Zabini's desk before moving to head back to mine. On my way back, I met James' eyes and he seemed troubled for some reason and I watched him cast a glance towards Zabini's desk. He met my eyes again and when I raised an eyebrow in a silent question, he shook his head and turned away.

* * *

And so, I met Zabini by the doors after breakfast for what I thought was our date, but it didn't feel like one. The entire time I was with him, it felt like I was with a friend that I, surprisingly, had an awful lot in common with. But that didn't mean I didn't enjoy myself with him; we spent hours just talking and laughing about the most random things. Not that I would ever tell it to Cesar, but I'd been under the impression that he had no sense of humour. Rowena, the boy rarely spoke so what else was I supposed to think? But he'd proved me wrong. Completely.

"I think I failed," he admitted as our date slowly came to an end. At my curious glance, he explained, "You're not any more over Potter than you were at the start of the date."

"Cesar –"

He shook his head dramatically; another trait I was surprised to find he had. "This has only ever happened in the most serious of cases. I'm afraid it's terminal, Howe."

"Oh please," I scoffed, nudging him with my shoulder. "But what did you get out of today?"

"I'm very selfish," he assured me. "Doing this meant no one else pestered me for a date today. Not that it's much of a secret, but sixth year girls are scary. Do you know how many love potion spiked drinks and food I've been offered?" Seeing my horrified expression, he rolled his eyes. "I'm smarter than to accept food that just anyone offers me."

I shook my head, still a little shocked by what he'd told me. "Well, one good thing about today is that I found out that when you actually speak, you can be wonderful."

He rolled his eyes, muttering, "That _has_ been known to happen around my friends."

"Have I just been friend zoned?" I faked hurt, bringing a hand to my chest.

Cesar slipped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. "You've been spending too much time with Potter."

"Probably," I agreed all too readily.

"Let me drop you back to the Three Broomsticks," he said, already steering me towards the pub. "You said your friends are waiting for you."

"I can go by myself," I protested without any real force.

"What kind of date would I be if I didn't drop you off at the end of our date?"

I made no other weak protests and let him walk me, thinking that he'd drop me off outside of the pub. But he didn't. He walked me into the pub, arm still slung around my shoulder and before I could shrug out of it, the damage had already been done. My friends had already spied us and – Merlin, what were Aurora and Maeve doing sat with them? I was never going to hear the end of this now!

Dropping me off at the table, Cesar said a polite greeting to my dormmates before leaving. But not before pressing a kiss to my cheek. The smirk on his face told me that the annoying snake was aware of the trouble the small kiss had caused me.

The moment he'd stepped away from the table, Alia reached out to take my hand and pulled me forcefully into a seat. I looked up, greeted by four pairs of waiting eyes.

"At least let me get a drink before this interrogation begins," I protested, rising from my seat only to be pulled down again.

"Let me go," Helen said already on her feet and eager to leave the table. "Butterbeer?"

"Please," I murmured, eyes on my other three dormmates.

If they wanted details, then they were going to be severely disappointed. Not only because nothing happened, but because I wasn't planning on telling them a thing – not with the two biggest blabber mouths of Ravenclaw house sitting at the same table. Each question that I was asked, I evaded answering and when they realised what I was doing, Helen and Alia shared an amused glance. They knew I was going to tell them everything later on anyway. Aurora and Maeve were another story; gradually annoyance crept into their features, but it was suddenly wiped away.

Before I could question it, I heard Aurora mutter, " _God_ , here he comes." But she sounded pleased.

Even without having to ask a question I already knew James was on his way. Looking around the Three Broomsticks, I took a sip from my drink and watched his approach. He pulled a chair from a neighbouring table before placing it besides ours. Settling himself in front of me, James stole my glass from my hands and finished it off.

I narrowed my eyes at him, my annoyance disappearing when he asked, "So, how was your date?"

Surprised murmurs flittered across the table and I cast a conspicuous glance towards Aurora who was doing a bad job of concealing her shock. I looked back to James who was waiting for an answer, seeming as if he only had eyes for me.

"It was fun," I admitted slowly, still aware of listening ears. "But it's probably best we don't go on another one."

He nodded, grinning suddenly. "Well you're too good for Zabini anyway."

I rolled my eyes. "I think half of the year would disagree with you."

"Who cares about them?" He raised an eyebrow, leaning towards me. "What I think should matter more to you."

I scoffed, "How doesn't your head weigh you down until you can't walk?"

"Years of practice, love," he said with a wink. James eyes flickered for a moment, hesitation creeping into his features before he leaned in to wipe at the corner of my mouth. My eyes rose quickly to his, widening in shock before he pulled back and explained, "The foam. I'll see you back at the castle, Howe."

James rose from his chair, raising his thumb to his mouth and licking the foam off on his way out of the pub. The shock had yet to leave me and I looked to Helen with wide eyes. She met my eyes head on before lowering her voice, whispering words only for my ears.

"Take a look at Aurora and tell me that she's not jealous."

"Why would she be –"

"Last week – when you were busy helping Professor Longbottom – Aurora and Potter went to Hogsmeade together and he hasn't approached her since, let alone talked to her."

"You don't think he did that to make her jealous, do you?" I asked hesitantly, hurt creeping into my voice.

"He doesn't seem like that sort of person," Helen defended with a shake of her head. "You probably know that better than I do."

* * *

My friendship with Zabini – if it _could_ be called a friendship – seemed to revolve around the library. Whenever I found myself alone in the library, trying to complete a _very_ important essay, he'd pop up from behind a bookshelf and make himself at home at my desk. I didn't bother telling him to leave me alone because he always stayed silent, busy focusing on his own work until I spoke to him first. Only then would the boy open his mouth and after that, we did very little productive work.

I'd brushed the first few times off as coincidence until I willingly accepted that it wasn't just a coincidence. He'd just never felt the need to _ask_ to sit beside me or to study with me. But I also came to the conclusion that he must _live_ in the library because of the amount of time he spent in the room. I guess his intellect really wasn't just luck; he put in a lot of work to get the grades he did. And I respected him more for it.

But I'd be damned if I ever admitted it to him.

"How does your dad remain impartial when grading our essays?" I asked, looking up at the silent Slytherin from over the top of my essay.

"I've actually asked him that before," Cesar admitted, flicking slowly through his textbook. "He told me that there's a spell that most professors use which blurs out student's names whilst they're grading our work. It's supposed to keep them from favouring one student over another."

I nodded, looking back to my unfinished sentence and murmuring, "Genius."

Cesar nudged my foot teasingly with his, making me look up at him. I raised an eyebrow. "Were you one of those girls that started crushing on my father when we were in fourth year?"

I bit my bottom lip, embarrassment colouring my features but nodded anyway. "Guilty."

He stopped flicking through the textbook, setting it aside. Propping his arms on the table, he leaned in close to me to speak quietly, suggestively, "You now, everyone says I'm practically identical to him in every way."

"You know," I said with a teasing hum, leaning closer to him, "I just _knew_ there was something charming about you."

He chuckled, leaning away from me and picking up his textbook once again. "You really should stop stating the obvious, Howe."

A bag was thrown onto our table, hitting it with a loud thud. I jumped slightly at the sound, looking around in surprise. James was holding onto the strap of the bag, looking between Cesar and I with a raised eyebrow. Cesar peeked up from over the top of his textbook, spied James and turned to me with a smirk which I'd learned to understand meant he was amused. Glancing back to James, he engaged him in a downright _stupid_ and unnecessary staring competition.

"James," I called out quietly, making the Gryffindor the first to look away. Cesar's smirk grew bigger at his 'victory' and I struggled not to roll my eyes. I _really_ didn't understand boys.

Meeting my eyes, James brought a small smile to his face. He pulled a chair out from the table and as he seated himself, he asked, "You don't mind me joining you?"

Reaching into his bag, he pulled out some of his books and threw a filthy glare at Cesar. I rolled my eyes; these testosterone driven displays were going to get annoying really quickly.

"If McGonagall spotted us now," I said with a roll of my eyes, returning my attention to my essay. "We look like advocates of interhouse unity."

"All we need is a puff," Cesar agreed.

I muttered dryly, "I'm sure you can bat your eyes at _any_ of the Hufflepuffs and they'll come and join us in heartbeat."

"Jealous?" Cesar teased, meeting my eyes and raising his eyebrow.

Before I could respond, James suddenly thrust his textbook in front of my eyes. Taking the book, I looked to him questioningly.

"I forgot which pages we've been assigned to read," he explained sheepishly.

"Since when have you actually _done_ the reading?" I threw back, already having found the page in the textbook and holding it out for him to take.

"Maybe I've always done it," he insisted, "but just never saw the need to tell you about it."

"Liar," I said, fighting a smile and turning back to my forgotten essay.

Rowena, I'd gotten distracted and forgotten how I was going to end the last sentence.

For the next hour or so I sat amongst the stifled tension coming off from the two boys settled at my table and finally, when it got too distracting I just gave up. Announcing that I was leaving for my common room, I left the pair of them to deal with whatever issues they had by themselves.

Reaching the Ravenclaw common room, I instantly headed towards my dorm and found it empty apart from Aurora who was sat on her bed, looking over something. The others must've still been in Divination. Crossing the room, I began to put my things away when Aurora saw fit to walk across the dorm to make herself at home on my bed. I fought the urge to ask her to get up; _all_ of my dormmates knew I didn't like people sitting on my bed.

Straightening up, I crossed my arms and looked down at Aurora. Although I _really_ didn't want to know the answer, I asked, "Is there anything you wanted?"

Aurora met my eyes head on, nodding before asking, "How close are you with Potter?"

Close enough to call him by his first name.

"We're not the closest of friends," I admitted, thinking for a moment, "but we're not acquaintances either. Somewhere in between I guess?"

"And how long have you been friends for then? I'm just curious, you see."

I watched her closely, easily recognising the true motive behind this interrogation. She was laying it out clear. I was his _friend,_ his friend and nothing more. So, if I would just leave him the fuck alone –

"Truthfully, I have no idea. We've been speaking since first year when the arrogant bastard threw a fit because my broom listened before his did. He's hovered around me since. We became friends somewhere along the way – maybe when he stole a beater's bat half way through the game to save me from a stray bludger?"

Aurora nodded, picking at my blanket and I narrowed my eyes at the action. Wasn't sitting on my bed enough? Why was she destroying my blanket too?

"We went to Hogsmeade together a few weeks ago," she told me with an air of practiced casualness. "Did he ever tell you about that? We spent the entire day together. First we stopped by the Three Broomsticks – even though I wanted to go to Madam Puddifoot's – and by the end of it –"

"The last I heard," I interrupted with a sigh, "your _date_ didn't go so well, and James won't even _look_ at you now, let alone speak to you. Just what did you do during the date Aurora? James Potter is one of the most accepting people I've ever met in my life so whatever it was that you did too screw things up, it must've really grated on his nerves. I'm just curious, you see."

"What would you know?" she snapped, clearly not pleased about me turning her own words back on her.

"Is there any _real_ reason we're having this conversation right now?" I demanded, growing tired of the conversation as a whole.

Aurora rose to her feet, keeping her eyes on mine. "The two of you are _just_ friends, right?"

"Of course," I said easily, narrowing my eyes at the taller girl. "Although, if we were, what does it have to do with you? You're not his anything, even after your _disaster_ of a date. So, I'd really appreciate if we stopped having this conversation in an attempt for you try and intimidate me. News flash Nolan, it's not working."

"I'm not trying to intimidate you," she protested uselessly.

"Sure," I said disbelievingly.

Aurora sighed, looking away from me. "Just – he hasn't spoken to me since our date. He didn't try to kiss me or anything and he clammed up after –"

"After," I prompted, suddenly interested.

She swallowed thickly, looking hesitant as she admitted, "After I had some choice words to say about you."

"Do you expect me to be hurt?" I asked curiously, raising an eyebrow. "You talk about people behind their backs all the time. I kind of expected you to do it about me too. I guess it's just your bad luck that you happened to do it in front of a boy who respects his friends too much to even _think_ badly about them."

She batted my words away easily, barrelling on to ask, "Has he said anything about me?"

"Funnily enough, we don't often talk about you, Nolan." Not anymore, anyway. I couldn't help my curiosity as I asked her, "Do you actually like him back now? Now that he's not paying you any attention?"

"No," she admitted truthfully. "I'm just curious about the change in his behaviour."

"You used to thrive on the attention he gave you," I pointed out a little spitefully. "And now that he's not giving you any, you're not _curious,_ or concerned, you're just pissed off that he doesn't seem to give a fuck about you anymore."

She didn't even try to deny my words. It would have been pointless anyway; we both knew the truth.

* * *

The next morning I found myself seated at breakfast again and just before I could begin eating, Alia leaned in close to me. I narrowed my eyes at her; she'd better have a good reason for disturbing me.

"Guess what?" she whispered quietly, not wanting others to hear as Helen leaned in too. "You know how I left the dorm room late, well Aurora and Maeve were still in there and they were talking –"

"Cut to the point," Helen interrupted, making Alia roll her eyes. Well, if Helen hadn't interrupted her then I would have done the same.

"She's going to ask him out today," Alia hissed, clearly excited at the latest development, though her words were like ice through my veins.

Even if James wasn't currently talking to her, chances were he still liked her. And if _she_ came to _him,_ I was certain he wouldn't be able to refuse. How could he?

Almost desperately hoping that I was wrong, I asked, "Who?"

"Potter, of course!"

"I guess she got sick of watching and waiting for him to approach her," Helen said, leaning back to return to her breakfast.

I tried to the do the same, my heart falling into my stomach as Aurora rose to her feet. Against my will, my eyes tracked her progress as she walked through the hall and towards the Gryffindor table. Slowly other people began to notice too, falling silent as they processed this latest development. Eventually the entire hall became silent, all eyes watching Aurora and I just _knew_ she was preening under all the attention.

Rowena, I couldn't watch anymore.

I rose to my feet, shrugging off the gentle hand Helen placed on my arm. "I need to return a library book."

It was obvious that she didn't buy my poor excuse, but she just let me go anyway and for that I was glad. They let me leave without a word and the great hall was so silent that I could hear Aurora asking James out. My eyes lowered to the ground as useless tears filled my eyes.

God, I wasn't this person! I didn't cry over something so stupid and yet, I couldn't help it. And why did it feel like my heart was breaking when none of this had anything to do with me?

The blood was pumping so loudly in my ears that I didn't hear the pleased yes, James had obviously said in return. Instead, I heard the murmurs that began to fill the great hall. It wouldn't matter anyway, I was almost out of the hall. I could go and roam around the castle grounds for a while to clear my head. Yeah, that would help.

A hand wrapped around my own, making my steps halt. I looked up, startled to find brown eyes watching me. Merlin, what was he doing, he should have been –

My eyes went to the Gryffindor table where Aurora was left standing on her own before I looked back to James. "What are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same question," he shot back before hesitating. "What's going on, why are you –"

His hand reached out to wipe one of the stupid tears that had managed to fall but I flinched away from him. Wiping at my face, I cleared my throat.

"It's nothing," I insisted, though he didn't believe me. I tried to pull my hand away from his, but he held on tight. "I'm fine James, just go and deal with Aurora before the rest of the hall starts gossiping."

"No," he said adamantly, releasing my hand when I pulled on it again. Only he took it again seconds later, linking our fingers together and I swore that my breath stopped for a moment.

"James –"

"I know how many people are listening, but I need you to forget them all for a moment," he said earnestly, making me swallow any protests that I had. "I don't think I've ever been so fucking scared before which is saying something considering how many times I've done this. But, go to Hogsmeade with me?"

My eyes widened slightly in shock and I shook my head, his face going slack at the small movement. He dropped my hand, letting me move away from him and called my name gently.

"No," I said quietly, unable to look at him. "I'm not letting you use me in another ploy to make Aurora jealous – she's already paying attention to you James. You don't need to do this anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

I brushed past him, avoiding his hand as it shot out to catch me and stop me from leaving. Hurrying out of the great hall, I took a deep breath to try and steady myself. Absolute silence followed my exit.

* * *

Following a much-needed walk, I returned to the castle in time for the beginning of my Transfiguration lesson. But, the moment I stepped into the room, I stumbled back slightly from the combined weight of every pair of eyes on me. Even the professor was staring! Glancing awkwardly around the room, I let my eyes pass right over the Gryffindor whose eyes held the most weight and looked to my empty seat right behind him.

Rowena, _why_ had I chosen to sit there?

Hurrying towards my seat, I pointedly ignored the way James' eyes followed me around the room and brushed past his seated form without a second glance. Settling down in my seat, I smiled thankfully at Alia when I realised she was busy glaring at those that refused to turn away. Removing my things from my bag, I looked to the front of the class, expecting the professor to begin any moment now.

The lesson progressed slowly – much too slowly and for the first time ever, I became all too aware of the eyes on me and the words that were being whispered around the classroom. Half of them were wondering just when things had started going on between me and James; was I the reason he wasn't even looking at Aurora anymore? The other half were wondering whether this was another ploy to get Aurora's interest that had backfired and estranged James from one of his friends.

I found myself watching the clock, waiting for the end of the end of the lesson to arrive before realising that _every_ lesson, for the foreseeable future was going to be like this. Until there was new gossip, a new scandal, eyes were going to follow my every movement. Rowena, how was I going to cope with that?

Deciding to lose myself in my work, I flicked through my textbook and read up on the spell we'd been taught about. This would keep me occupied until the lesson ended.

Someone was leaning on my table and I knew exactly who that someone was. He'd turned in his chair to face me, no longer caring about the lesson or the number of eyes his movement had attracted. They were all dying to see the next part of what had happened in the great hall.

"Get on with your work James," I said without looking up at him. Alia looked between the pair of us before rising to her feet, making herself scarce for a moment to give us some private time.

"Everyone's already packing up anyway." he protested. "Besides, the lesson's nearly finished."

And sure enough, only seconds later, the bell rang and for once, students protested that the lesson was over. Their front row seats had been snatched away from them. Closing my textbook, I began to pack my things up when James stopped me by putting a hand on top of mine. I finally raised my eyes to his, waiting to see what he was going to say.

Realising that I was willing to hear him out, he asked rather harshly, "How could you think that I was trying to use you?"

I sighed, glancing around to see that some of our classmates were simply refusing to leave. Lowering my voice, I reasoned, "What else did you expect me to think?"

"That I wanted to go to Hogsmeade with you!" he exclaimed, watching as I scoffed as pulled my hand away from him.

Rising to my feet, I said firmly, "There's a lot of things I'd do for you James, but I _won't_ allow you to play with my emotions."

I went to brush past him, planning on ending the conversation when he gave chase. "You should know me better than to think I'd ever use someone – let alone you – like that." Glancing back at him, I saw him narrow his eyes at me. "You are _the_ most frustrating woman – _girl –_ I've ever met. You won't even listen to me!"

"Fine." I stopped still, watching as he stopped too, a little shocked by my abrupt motion. Crossing my arms, I turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "Explain and then after you're done, leave me alone."

Now that I'd actually given him a chance, James wasn't sure where to begin. He floundered for a moment, trying to get the words right.

"Why don't you think my offer was serious?" he settled on asking, running a hand through his hair.

"Did you forget about Aurora?" I asked pointedly.

"I haven't paid attention to her in weeks – after that disaster date and –"

"And why does that matter?" I insisted in confusion. "So you had one bad date, that's not enough to get rid of feelings that were as deep as you claimed yours were."

"And if I realised my feelings were misplaced?" he asked softly, taking me by surprise. "What then?"

"James –"

"During the date – I had my eyes opened. The entire time I was with her, she kept doing things that bugged me, and they bugged me because they were things you _wouldn't do._ I kept waiting for her to do something, to say something that would make me feel that rush of affection for her, but I hadn't felt that for her in so long. I felt it whenever your hands brushed against mine, when you reach out to try and fix my hair, or when my brother decides he wants to go to you for advice instead of coming to me. Merlin Howe, I have no idea why I'd been so blind."

"This is such a bad idea," I murmured under my breath.

Recognising the defeat in my tone, James jumped at the chance. "Give me one chance to prove it's not."

" _When_ it ends up being a bad idea, I'm going to hex you," I warned. "But just remember I know _a lot_ more creative curses than you could even dream about knowing."

"It won't be a bad idea," he promised me, just as the bell signalling the end of the next lesson rang.

"Oh crap!" I went to hurry to my next lesson when James reached out to snag my hand, keeping me in place. "James, we need to hurry or –"

"I know a shortcut," he said with a grin that had butterflies erupting in the pit of my stomach.


	2. Epilogue: 2 Years Later

_2 YEARS LATER_

Family weddings; they either made couples or broke them. And we were doing our very best to make sure that _this_ family wedding didn't break us.

Minutes before we needed to arrive at the wedding of James' cousin and his godbrother, we'd gotten into our worst argument yet. Simply because he was an idiot; a possessive, irrational idiot. But I wasn't going to get into that now.

Throughout the entire wedding I was aware that I was surrounded by his _entire_ family who, while meaning well, had a habit of interfering with business that didn't concern them. So I decided it was easier to pretend nothing had happened, at least for now. James had agreed to that plan too, but he didn't stick to it for very long.

After the ceremony ended, I found Lily sitting by herself at one of the tables and when I approached her, she confessed that she didn't want to be in any of the pictures because she hated her bridesmaid dress. Just as I had been reminding her that it was one day, and it would make Victoire _so_ happy if Lily was in her wedding pictures, James appeared at the table. He cleared his throat, making the pair of us look up at him. He didn't so much as glance my way as he spoke directly to his sister.

"Mum's calling you," he said, gesturing Lily away and taking the seat that Lily had just left.

"Why did you do that?" I asked with a sigh, "Your mother left a few minutes ago to check on the cake."

"To talk to you obviously." He leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms. "We didn't get to finish the conversation we were having before we came here."

"Oh," I muttered dryly, "you're talking about your display of irrational jealousy?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, trying not to get worked up. "Things wouldn't have gotten this bad if you just _told_ me what the pair of you talked about before I arrived to pick you up."

"No," I insisted, "it wouldn't have gotten this bad if you _trusted_ me like you claim to do."

"I do trust you!" he swore firmly, lowering his voice and leaning in closer to me as his grandmother walked past us, casting a glance our way. "You know I do."

"Like hell!" I hissed back. "You know Cesar is my friend."

"Yeah," he sneered angrily. "You looked pretty friendly when I walked in on the two of you together."

"You walked in on a hug. A _hug_! Friends are allowed to hug." I rose to my feet, losing all my patience and muttering under my breath, "I can't even talk to you."

I went to walk away from him, looking for somewhere that would let me take a breather. There were too many watching eyes around here and if I happened to be seen by someone – his grandmother or mother especially – then they'd talk to us about the appropriate ways of handling arguments in a relationship. And I couldn't have that conversation. Not again.

He followed after me. Of course he did.

He took my arm, making me look back at him. "Tell me what you were talking about."

"Fine," I said, glaring daggers at him. "Cesar's leaving the UK for three years. He's accepted a position to work as a potioneer's research assistant and came to say goodbye because he's leaving soon. He'd have said goodbye to you too if you hadn't reached for your wand before hearing an explanation."

Shock crossed his features and I couldn't help but scoff. Before our argument could progress any further, a hand was offered to me. Looking curiously into Fred's face, I watched as his eyes easily assessed the situation and understood within seconds what was going on.

"Want to dance?" he asked me, and I slipped my hand into his without a second thought.

"Gladly."

I allowed him to lead me out onto the dance floor as other couples slowly formed around the bride and groom. Fred didn't ask what we were arguing about and instead just kept me away from James, knowing the pair of us likely needed some time to cool off. I couldn't thank him enough for this knack that he had of knowing his cousin better than I did.

My respite didn't last long as James appeared at our side. Fred, without a word, handed me over to his cousin and I found myself held in his arms before I could protest. Knowing that I was likely to pull away from him, James held me firm against him in an embrace his grandmother would probably scold him for later.

"I'm an idiot," he said with a sigh, pressing his forehead to mine.

"I hope you don't expect me to deny that."

He straightened up, pressing a kiss to my forehead and sighing again. "When does Zabini leave?"

"This weekend."

"We should go and see him before he leaves," James said quietly, releasing me from his arms. "I need to apologise to him."

"Damn right, you do."

"I get jealous easily," he stated, and he wasn't trying to justify his behaviour. He was just stating a fact. "I can't help but think one day you'll realise that you're too good for me."

"Flattery," I scolded quietly. "You always resort to flattery.

He simply grinned innocently and before he could say another word, his hand was reaching out to snag something out form mid-air. I watched with wide eyes as he stared down at the bouquet he'd just caught. James grinned at me from under his eyelashes and I shook my head.

" _No_. Why did you catch that?"

"It's an occupational hazard," he protested, still smiling even as I tried to stare him down. "You can't expect a chaser not to catch something that's thrown their way."

"Burn it," I said, stepping away from him. "Burn it before you get any ideas."

Without a word, he raised the bouquet to his nose and simply smelled the flowers. Hiding his smile behind the bouquet, he wiggled his eyes teasingly in my direction and I shook my head firmly, walking away from him.

He was mad. Absolutely mad.


End file.
